"Frank… you need some help around here?"

"You?"

"Yeah, me."

"It shook me up, kid! I decided right then that I would never leave my post again… ever! 24 hours a day, every day of the year."

"Even Christmas?"

"And New Year’s Eve, too. Ah, you know, I can’t celebrate much out here all by myself. Besides, I’ve got a job to do. Can’t take any chances."

"You know, I never told anybody about this before, kid."

"Shoot."

"Alright… Well, it was eleven years ago, a Thursday. I looked away from the crosswalk to light a smoke, you know? No big deal, right? Wrong. A cat named Mr. Boots… crossed without looking. He was wasted on catnip. He never saw the Ford Imperial coming."

"Roadkill pizza?"

"No, no… It was close, though. Too close."

"Ha ha! Gullible!"

At that moment, as I turned to laugh in his face, I saw Frank for what he really was: a lonely guy just trying to do his job.

"Wanna know why?"

"Sure… if you let me cross."

"Okay."

"Sucker!"

By morning, I knew I had met my match. Evil had won this round.

"Don’t you ever go home?"

"No."

Near midnight, I tried threatening his life, but he didn’t even flinch!

"You know, Frank, there are twenty-two ways to kill a man."

"Twenty-three."

The sidewalk standoff raged on into the evening…"Tell me, do you take showers with that sash on?""What’s it to you, kid?"

The sidewalk standoff raged on into the evening…

"Tell me, do you take showers with that sash on?"

"What’s it to you, kid?"

"Not so fast, chief! Somebody’s gotta teach you a lesson."

"I’ve taken a vow to uphold the Code of the Crosswalk."

"Uphold this!"

I tried to cross, but somehow, I couldn’t disobey the sign!